Little Miss Scare-All

A college goth trying to find her way in the world.

Dom/sub relationships aren’t the misogynist catastrophes people find them to be

Activists are constructing arguments left and right advocating for parents to stop spanking their kids. Other activists are fighting against spanking as well, but they’re not wishing to help children.

Here, let’s talk about sex, baby.

Every once in a while I come across another post from a feminist claiming that Dom/sub relationships are built upon a hatred for women and that supporting said relationships makes women eternally subservient to men.

I too am a feminist, but if the collar I wear every day is any indication, I strongly disagree with this sentiment. Never have I felt more liberated than when I’ve been dominated.

**For those of you who stick to a simple, back-to-basics style of sex and don’t know what I’m referring to when I say Dom/sub, here’s a handy post that will give you a broad understanding of what I mean.**

What many people fail to realize about BDSM and the various subcategories that stem out from it is that respect is critical, and no matter what foul-mouthed phrases are spit out to the sub, they are the ones that are in full control. Yes, that person who’s beaten, choked, pulled on and has hot wax poured all over their body is at the top of the power structure.

Photo courtesy of Les Films du Losange

Photo courtesy of Les Films du Losange

To have a healthy rough sexual relationship, rules should be set in place upon a stable foundation of trust. Since the subs are the ones that have pain and/or situations inflicted upon them, they tend to be the ones who decide what the boundaries are. They give Doms permission to do what they do, not the other way around.

Now let’s say that these boundaries are violated. That does not speak to a sexist form of sex. That speaks to rape. It’s horrible, but it’s not reflective of the fetish; it speaks to the individual.

This is all besides the point, however. All of this is said with the assumption that men are always doing the beating, but one Dutch study concluded that 26% of men in their California pool had submissive tendencies. And it’s silly to think that these activities don’t occur between gay men.

Photo courtesy of Strand Releasing

Photo courtesy of Strand Releasing

If BDSM was subconsciously constructed to parallel a sexist society, a small batch of men saying that they are submissive would be an exception to this theory, but when a significant portion rises up and states that they’re into being tied up, told what to do and thrown around, then you have to step back from your overly critical feminist eye and start to wonder whether there’s really anything wrong in what you’re denoucning.

Some people ask me, “Kim, how could you ever be into being humiliated on such an intense level?” To be honest, I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I’m so in control of my day-to-day life that the idea of relinquishing power is overwhelming, but really, I don’t need an answer.

Some people like feet while some are into voyeurism. As long as everyone involved in a sexual situation is a consenting adult, I don’t see why anyone else should care.


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Twitter: @TheKimSlichter

Instagram: @iamkimsinstagram

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