In the Shadow of the Mouse

Secrets of a theme park obsessed local who lives next door to Mickey, with annual passes to every Central Florida park

Disney World has new tours, characters, shows and more this summer

Recently I attended a Coolest Summer Ever event at Walt Disney World where I got a whirlwind look at what’s in store this summer. It’s hard to believe that we’re moving quickly toward the busy tourist season, but the May off-season is almost over and the tourists will soon descend on the Orlando parks.

If you’re vacationing at Walt Disney World this summer, or if you’re a brave local who can’t go too long without your Disney fix, check out these videos for a peek at what you can do:

Tour the Downtown Disney waterways in an amphibicar (seriously, how cool is this? These are originals from the 1960s!):

See the American Music Machine at Epcot (talk about talent!):

New Tour at Disney’s Animal Kingdom (this is on my must-do list as I’d love to learn more about how they care for the animals):

Meet Doc McStuffins at Disney’s Hollywood Studios (your Disney Junior fans will be so excited):

Teen Beach Movie 2 Party (just one more reason to head over to Typhoon Lagoon this summer):

99That’s just a quick sampling of what’s ahead, and Frozen Summer Fun returns to Disney’s Hollywood Studios this year, too. Come on, admit it, you love Olaf!  I most certainly do, and I was thrilled to meet him during the Coolest Summer Ever kick-off.

The heat came early to Orlando, so I’m already feeling like its summertime. The Coolest Summer Ever event just made this official (although Frozen Summer Fun doesn’t start until June 17), so now it’s time to enjoy!

5 things I learned at the Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival

The Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival is a place for fun, but it’s also got a strong streak of education interwoven throughout the festival. You can learn about water conservation, organic gardening techniques, ways to attract birds and butterflies, and much more.

I’m an old dog who definitely learned some new tricks at the festival last weekend. Here’s a list of the top five:

1) What I’m doing wrong with my bougainvillaea.

Did you know that you can talk to a Master Gardener at the Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival? The University of Florida sends experts to the Festival Center, which is open every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Just walk on up and ask them a question about your garden woes. I’ve been struggling to grow bougainvillaea in a container, and it turns out that I woefully misinterpreted the watering instructions on the tag.

2) How to keep bamboo from spreading.

The Festival Center is also your headquarters for informative talks every weekend. I saw a talk by plantsman/author Jenks Farmer, who illustrated his informative presentation with colorful slides and a hands-on demonstration. I’ve often thought about using bamboo as a screening plant, but I fear its reputation for taking over. I learned about the two types (the clustered kind is more benign) and also how to keep the spreading type in check.

If you’d like to see Jenks Farmer’s whole talk, it’s in the video below:

td13) That bonsai trees go through the seasons just like their full-sized counterparts.

I know that bonsais are miniature trees, but I didn’t realize that they go through the same life cycle as their full-sized counterparts. A completely barren tree caught my eye; I thought it was dead but learned that it’s just a maple in its winter state. Soon the springtime will send it into full foliage again.

If you’d like to learn more about bonsai trees, too, check out the Central Florida Bonsai Club display in the Festival Center.

4) That there’s a special beer credential equivalent to wine.Growing up with a German grandpa, I developed a love of beer. It’s great that craft brews are a thing now and that Florida has so many breweries, as I love to try the many different varieties. However, I had no idea that beer has its own expert credential on a part with a wine sommelier: the Cicerone Certification Program.

I enjoyed a presentation by a cicerone while sampling the beer flight that’s available at the Smokehouse in the American Pavilion. Not only did I learn about the credential, but I also picked up some interesting facts about beer, including the full story behind IPAs. You can hear it all for yourself in the presentation below. The presentation isn’t a regular part of the festival, but the flight is available throughout the run of the event:

td25) That the oldest topiaries at the festival are the Fantasia critters.

I always enjoy talking to Eric Darden, who’s worked on the Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival for 12 years and who’s already thinking about what Disney will do for 2016.

Chip, Dale, Anna, and Elsa are all new this year, but I was curious about the oldest topiaries still on display. He told me they’re the Fantasia critters, some of which you can see in the photo at right. Notice how they’re not as detailed as later toparies and certainly nowhere near the exquisite sculpting that gives Anna and Elsa their faces.

I love to compare how the older topiaries look quite basic compared to the amazing detail on the newer creations or all the different colors worked into various displays, most of which is done with natural materials. I love all the colorful gardens blooming around Epcot, but the topiaries are true works of art.

You can hear from Eric yourself in the video below:

What will you learn at this year’s festival? You’ve got until May 17 to find out.

Shhh, don’t tell anyone, it’s the slow season at the theme parks

As a local, I’ll admit that I’m spoiled. I don’t wait in long lines for theme park attractions. At Disney World, I grab a FastPass+ for a couple of my favorite attractions during the busy season, visit my park of choice for a couple of hours, then hightail it home when my crowd tolerance reaches its limit. At Universal, I go late in the day, since my Premier annual pass gives me Express access after 4 p.m. At SeaWorld, I arrive at opening time and head to the farther-back attractions while the arriving hoards are dazzled by the likes of Manta and do things closer to the front gate.

But every few months I get a real treat: a tiny bit of off-season time. The most notable periods are those right before Memorial Day and Labor Day, but there’s also a nice chunk of slow time right after the mad holiday rush. The crowds head home, their credit cards and energy levels depleted, and don’t think about another vacation for at least a few weeks. Meanwhile, I can enjoy Walt Disney World, Universal Orlando Resort, and SeaWorld Orlando at a more leisurely and spontaneous pace than I’m normally able to do.

What are my top three favorite parks to visit during this rare period of quiet time? Here they are in no particular order:


2You have to be careful at Disney, since marathon weekend falls in this period, but otherwise Epcot tends to be quiet until the Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival starts in early March. The lines can be a little long in Future World right around opening time, since World Showcase doesn’t open until 11 a.m. I like to come a little later, take a leisurely global tour in World Showcase, then head back to Future World where the lines have typically died down to enjoy Soarin’ and Test Track a few times, then hit Nemo and Spacehip Earth on my way out.

If you’re a Flower and Garden fan, I advise coming out early in the festival. The crowds pick up throughout its run, although it’s fun to visit at both the beginning and the end so you can see how the displays change over time as the season gets warmer.

SeaWorld Orlando

1There’s so much to do outside at SeaWorld, and January weather is usually perfect to do it. The chance of rain is rare compared to the summer, and it’s generally cooler and much less humid. Normally a day at SeaWorld means working around the show schedule to make sure you get to each arena with plenty of time to get a good seat.

Lower off-season crowds means you don’t have to get to Shamu Stadium 45 minutes early or to rush to Blue Horizons long before showtime. That means more time to enjoy underwater viewing and the rides and exhibits like Turtle Trek, the sharks, and Wild Arctic. It also means shorter lines at Antarctica: Empire of the Penguin, where you must do the ride to get to the amazing open-air penguin habitat.

Universal Studios Florida

3Actually, while I love all of Universal, my big recommendation for the off season is Diagon Alley. It’s still the new kid on the block, and as such, it’s wildly crowded at busy times of year. You can’t fully appreciate all the detail in this area when you’re too busy trying not to get run over by a stroller or otherwise trampled in the crowd.

Thankfully, the off-season lull gives Harry Potter fans a chance to take it easy and really explore all the shops, noting the fun details of the displays and the amazing architecture of the buildings outside. It’s also fun to buy an interactive wand and take some time to cast spells. There’s a line to do so during the busy season, but you won’t have to wait for other wizards to practice ahead of you when you visit in the rare lull.

There is a time when Harry fans will find themselves in the midst of a crowd. A Celebration of Harry Potter runs for three days, starting January 30, but it’s worth braving the mob to see exhibitors like Pottermore and Scholastic and attend panel discussions with some of the movies’ stars.

These are my own personal choices, but this is a great time to visit any of the theme parks. Just beware of the weekend of Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, as students generally have a long weekend, which means a reprise of the crowds.

What’s next at the parks? Harry Potter at Universal and nice food and garden mix at Epcot

Now that the holidays are over and the theme park Christmas events are winding down, what’s next for Walt Disney World and Universal Orlando Resort? Things never stay quiet for long at the major central Florida parks, and both Disney and Universal have some big guns set to blaze in the early months of 2015.

A Celebration of Harry Potter

Universal already has Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley all year long, but they step up the Harry Potter theme January 30 to February 1 with the return of their popular A Celebration of Harry Potter event. It’s an exhibition for Muggles who can’t get enough of the boy wizard and his world. As you might expect, you get to see celebrities from the movies. Here’s a panel discussion from last year with Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood), James Phelps (Fred Weasley), Oliver Phelps (George Weasley), Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom), and Devon Murray (Seamus Finnigan).

The cast was also on hand for the event kick-off, as seen in the video below:

It was a very chilly night, but that didn’t deter the massive crowd who came to the parks to kick things off.

In the exhibit area, you’ll see companies closely associated with the Harry Potter brand, like Pottermore…

MinaLima (graphics for the films)…

And Warner Brothers Studios…

One of my favorite parts was hearing Kazu Kibuishi talk about what it was like to work with Scholastic and reimagine the Harry Potter covers:

I also had the opportunity to attend a media Q & A with the cast:

There was even a dueling demonstration:

As you can see by the videos, it’s a total geek-out for Harry Potter fans. The exhibition is included with your park ticket, and I highly recommend coming early and making a day of it so you can be sure to see everything. It gets quite crowded, so you’ll need as much time as possible to catch the cast talks and see all the exhibitors.

The Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival

Meanwhile, over at Walt Disney World, the Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival kicks off on March 5. I always view the festival opening as my unofficial early Florida spring kick-off. I’m an avid gardener myself, so I love being surrounded by the colorful blooms around the park and marveling at the clever, colorful topiaries.

Last year, I got to go behind the scenes to see some of the preparations for the festival. Check out the tour and it will help you imagine what’s going on already as we move full speed toward this year’s opening in just two months:

The Festival Horticultural Manager, Eric Darden, takes great pride in his work, as you can see from this 2014 interview:

Of course, in recent years the Epcot International Flower and Garden Festival has gotten even better with the addition of food…yum! Chef Jens and his crew make sure that the Outdoor Kitchen kiosks rival those you’ll find at the Epcot International Food and Wine Festival later in the year. Here’s what he had to say last year:

I’m a big fan of the talks, demonstrations, and workshops in the Festival Center too (that’s the Wonders of Life Pavilion for all you old-timers). With HGTV as sponsor, the festival always features some familiar celebrity speakers. I had the pleasure of seeing Vern Yip last year:

There are local gardening experts, too, like the always amusing Robert Bowden of Leu Gardens. His talk is hands-on, and I still have the plant I potted at last year’s presentation:

There are Flower Power concerts, too, so plan to stick around and catch one if you’re an oldies fan. The concerts, talks, and workshops are all included with your Epcot admission, and you can buy a handy wrist gift card to make your dining more convenient.

As you can see, the first quarter of 2015 will be anything but boring at the Orlando theme parks. That’s one of the things I love most about living in the shadow of the mouse. I never have a chance to suffer from post-holiday depression because as soon as the New Year passes, I’m already anticipating the next exciting events.

D23 press conference videos highlight archives, future of D23

The D23 Destination D Attraction Rewind event kicked into high gear today, but Friday featured two fascinating press conferences for fans of all things Disney.

The first was a chat with Becky Cline, Director Director of the Walt Disney Archives. Several archived items are on display at the event, and she talked about those treasures, as well as some of the other pieces in the collection and what it’s like to have a hand in saving and preserving Disney history. See it for yourself in the video below:

The second was a presentation by Adam Sanderson and Kristin Rodack of D23. They talked about the future of the wildly popular Disney fan club, including some membership changes. While silver memberships are going away, gold members will be able to upgrade to family memberships that give them the freedom to bring more family members to events. The duo also unveiled the 2015 D23 Expo art. You can see it all in the video below:

The event continues throughout Saturday and Sunday at the Contemporary Resort, highlighting the World’s Fair and beloved Disney attractions of the past (and some that have survived through the present, like Carousel of Progress). It’s just one of the D23 events that you can sign up for if you’re a member. There’s even a free membership level; if you’re a consummate Disney fan, check it out on the official website.

D23 Attraction Rewind is here: Yes, I could easily overspend in this store!

The D23 Attraction Rewind is now in town. It gets into full swing tomorrow (November 22), but I got a peek at the pop-up store, Mickey’s of Glendale, today, and let’s just say that I’m lucky I couldn’t buy anything at the sneak peek or my credit card would be smoking right now. Attendees were lined up in quite an impressive queue, and I could easily see why. There was a variety of Imagineering merchandise:




A great selection of Pleasure Island throwback goodies:





Small World goodies:


And just generally a wonderful selection geared to the Disney enthusiast. One of my personal favorites was the Figment shirt:


temp1Since there’s a “former attractions” theme, along with a World’s Fair focus, I thought it was especially appropriate to reflect back on my favorite Disney World ride of all time. Yes, I know Figment’s still there, but the original Journey Into Imagination was a work of dark ride perfection that will never be equaled. Yes, that’s my buddy Figment in the photo at right. He’s one of the pieces featured in the archive display that’s also part of the D23 Attraction Rewind event.

The D23 Attraction Rewind continues on Saturday and Sunday at the Contemporary Resort and Convention Center, so I’ll have more reports on the panels and presentations. It’s always such a pleasure to hear from Disney legends and those “in the know” about what’s ahead, as well as memories of what’s been left behind.

If you’re not a D23 member, you can sign up for free for some fun member exclusives. If you’re not lucky enough to live in Florida like I am, or near Disneyland, it’s a great way to stoke your Disney passion all year ’round and maintain that connection, no matter where you live.

Videos show all the Frozen Summer fun at Disney’s Hollywood Studios

Recently, I blogged about my day at Disney’s Hollywood Studios enjoying all the Frozen Summer activities. After all, who can resist playing in the snow in Florida, seeing Anna and Elsa, and singing “Let It Go” for the five hundred and thirty-fourth time?

If you haven’t made it over to the park to see it all for yourself, perhaps these videos will whet your appetite and inspire you to run over to the Studios. Just about everything, other than the ice skating, is included with your admission ticket, so it’s a nice little enhancement to a park that already has fun rides and shows like the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, Star Tours, Muppets 3-D, and the ever-popular Toy Story Mania.

Below, you’ll find a full overview of Frozen Summer, which runs through September 1:

This is an event that you’ll want to tough out until the end. As you saw in the video above, it’s capped with an impressive fireworks display. If you’re hearty enough to arrive at park opening and stay until close, you’ll begin your day with a cute welcome from Olaf, as seen in the video below:

The two big shows are the Frozen Sing-Along and Anna and Elsa’s royal welcome, which combines a mini parade with a cute little stage show. You can see it in the video below:

Frozen Summer is a great way for Disney to integrate one of its hottest (coldest?) properties into its parks. Anna and Elsa already to meet and greets at the Magic Kingdom, but that park is always the most popular, and it also has the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train, so it doesn’t really need any other draws. Disney’s Hollywood Studios is the perfect spot to act as the center of the Frozen action. In the video below, Creative Director Reed Jones talks about the event:

If you plan to make it out to Frozen Summer, you still have a while. Just hit the park by September 1 and you can witness snow in Florida, make your own snowman, and enjoy winter fun in the summer season.

A day at Disney’s Frozen Summer: Ice, snow, singing and sweets

b3“Frozen” is a box office phenomenon that remains wildly popular nearly a year after its theatrical release. The Anna and Elsa meet and greet at the Magic Kingdom routinely racks up multi-hour waits (hint: get a FastPass if you possibly can, but you need to do that early). Now the sisterly duo is spicing things up at Disney’s Hollywood Studios with Frozen Summer, a daily event that runs through September 1.

Nope, you won’t get to meet Elsa and Anna in person, but you’ll see them live in two shows, and you’ll enjoy winter activities that are pretty hard to come by in Florida at any time of year, like snowman building and ice skating. Just in case it’s been too long since you’ve heard “Let It Go,” you can get your fix at one of the daily singalongs.

I spent a day enjoying Frozen Summer, and I have to admit that it really brought out the kid in me. I arrived before park opening because I’m no fool: summer in Florida means massive crowds at Disney, especially with Anna and Elsa as an added attraction. Early arrival gives you a precious window of opportunity before the influx of humanity gets too overwhelming. If you plan to hit up Frozen Summer, I advise you to get there early too.

Once you arrive, you’ll get a cute little Olaf cutout that you can use for photo opportunities (and he doubles as a handy dandy fan, too). If you don’t get one at the entrance, they’re handed out at many kiosks around the park, too. As you can see in the photo below, Olaf and I managed to find Sven, or at least one of his relatives:


Since I was there for rope drop, I had a prime spot for the little opening ceremony up on the main stage. There aren’t any live Frozen characters, but Olaf appears up on the screen.You can see the opening in the video below:

Then the rope goes down and the mad rush for Toy Story Mania begins. I thought that Wandering Oaken’s Trading Post and the adjacent Frozen Funland might be crowded early on, but amazingly, it really wasn’t. I had no wait to step onto the snowy landscape and make a snowball:


I watched the fun on the ice skating rink, although I didn’t try it myself. Instead, I headed next door for a little shopping at the trading post, where I got an Elsa Magic Band.

I was dazzled by the wide array of Frozen merchandise, from books to dresses to t-shirts to dolls and more. People were grabbing handfuls of dolls and toys (you can’t buy more than five of any one item). Thankfully, there are many registers for check-out so the line moves pretty quickly. I was able to use my annual pass holder discount, which was a nice plus.

b1Next on my agenda was watching the royal welcome, a miniature parade and presentation on the main stage. You can either stake out a spot early or buy the Frozen Package, which also includes special seating for the singalong show and a pre-fireworks dessert party. If you have limited time and want to be sure to get the full Frozen experience, then I highly recommend it.

If you’re not in the package area, you’ll want to pick a spot as close to the stage as possible so you can see it for the show.

Various performers head down the street, and Elsa and Anna pass regally by in a horse drawn carriage. Keep an eye out for Kristoff, too. After the parade, they head onto the stage for a cute little show, topped off with a pretty intense “snow” shower. You can see the whole experience on the video below:

b4By now, it was almost lunch time, so I headed to Starring Rolls, my favorite place to catch a quick bite at the Studios. I’d been drooling over all the delicious Frozen-themed goodies in Oaken’s, so I got an Anna cupcake (chocolate with butter cream icing) to go with my sandwich. The Olaf cupcakes are a nice treat too (carrot cake with cream cheese frosting). And yes, that is a bare butt cheek photo bombing my cupcakes at the top of the photo.

Next, I headed for the Frozen Singalong in the Premier Theater, which is just past Muppets 3D. The show has several advantages. First, it’s in an air conditioned theater than feels so good after spending time outdoors in the heat.

Second, it’s so much to watch all the little “Frozen” fans. The young girl in front of me was vociferously singing “Let It Go” as we waited for the show to start, and I was amazed that such a small child would know all of the words.

b5Even if you don’t know all the songs by heart, the words are projected onto three big screens. The singalong is led by two royal historians who tell a Cliff Notes version of the tale while Anna heads out to find Elsa. I was surprised at the amount of humor in the show. Yes, some of the jokes are a little corny, but I’ll admit that I laughed my way through it. All the best songs are featured, and “Let It Go” is in there twice. Kristoff fans will find him here, and of course Anna manages to round up Elsa for a snowy finale.

The third thing I liked about the show was that it wasn’t something where you have to make the kids sit still and quiet. Instead, they’re encouraged to sing their little hearts out, and they really do get into it. Heck, some of the adults were singing with as much gusto as the kids.

The show is presented several times each day. so get a schedule when you get to the park and work your day around your preferred time. You get to pick a specific time for your preferred seating if you get the package.

b6Being a lazy local, I didn’t stick around for the night time dance party and fireworks. However, I highly recommend doing so, especially if you don’t live close by and therefore don’t get an opportunity to run by spontaneously to see them. You can easily plan to spend a whole day at Disney’s Hollywood Studios or to take the boat to Epcot for part of the day and then return for the night time fun.

Everything but the ice skating is included with your regular park admission. Of course, it costs extra to spring for the Frozen Package, but it’s well worth the money, especially during the insane summer season. If you plan to hit up this event, do it by September 1, as it melts into oblivion after that date.

Follow me on Twitter via @themeparkwriter and stay tuned for more tips, observations, comments, and rants from someone who lives close enough to Walt Disney World to hear the fireworks from her house every night. I literally write my blog  In the Shadow of the Mouse.

Dear past me: Guess what, you’re going to live next door to Disney someday

Tonight’s HypeOrlando Blogapalooza challenge is to write a note to my past self back when I was 18 years old. That’s a few decades back now, but in pondering the topic, I’m happy to say that I don’t think my younger self would think her future is too shabby. So here goes:

b34Dear 18-Year-Old Me:

Guess what? You’re going to live next door to Walt Disney World someday. I know how much you loved all those Disney movies and Disney Golden books and watching “The Wonderful World of Disney” on TV. Sadly, you’re not going to make it to Disney World until you’re in your 20s, but I promise you’ll make up for lost time. How would it sound to never have to dig your car out of the snow again? To never shiver in the 30 degrees below wind chill of a typical Chicago winter? And, best of all, to go to Disney any time you choose? Imagine getting a notion to pop over to the Magic Kingdom and hop on Space Mountain or catch the parade. Go ahead and do it. And you know how they just opened that brand new park called EPCOT Center? Well, by the time you turn into old and crotchety me, Walt Disney World will have four…count ’em, four…theme parks, not to mention a couple of water parks as icing on the cake.

You know how you keep saying you’re going to be a writer and a psychologist, too? Well, I’m happy to tell you that you’re one of those rare people who really will become what you said you wanted to be when you grow up. Yes, you’re going to work your butt off in school for that doctorate, but don’t slack off. I promise that it will be worth all the effort. Counseling is one of those rare fields where you really can make a positive impact in someone’s life. Yes, I know it’s an awful lot of school, but someday you’ll be me and all that prep work will be in the past and you’ll be doing something you love.

And as for writing, you know how you’re currently doing it with that Smith Corona Selectric that you think is so cool and state of the art because it was a correction cartridge. Well, just wait until you catch up to me and see how I’m writing this letter to you. I’m typing on a handy dandy device perched on my lap. Not only can I write with it, but I can publish my thoughts instantly and have them accessible to literally almost everyone in the world (whether they actually want to read them is another question). Really, though, you’ll do well as a writer, even though you’ll shift from your magazine and newspaper work to something called the Internet. What is it? Well, imagine having a treasure trove of all the world’s knowledge at your fingertips and the ability to communicate with people around the globe just by tapping a few keys. Then imagine using that technology mainly for looking at funny pictures of cats and you pretty much have the right idea.

I know that you’re going to go through some hard times between then and now. I can’t say anything to save you from them because they’re all part of your development and what turns you into me someday. All I can say is, there’s going to be a happy ending. You’re going to get to do work that you love and visit not only Walt Disney World, but also other theme parks that don’t even exist yet in your 18-year-old world (hint: keep an eye out for something called Harry Potter).

I know that the year 2000 feels like it’s a million miles away, but believe me, it will come in the blink of an eye. Then, before you know it, the new millennium will be over a decade old.This Five for Fighting Song sums it up very nicely:

Technology is going to go into crazy fast-forward mode, so be prepared (psssst…Apple….it’s gonna be huge). And next time you’re scraping the ice off your car window with a credit card and praying that the engine turns over in the Arctic tundra temperatures, just remember…someday, single digit temperatures will be a foreign concept as you shiver any time the mercury dips below 70 degrees. I know you think I’m crazy now, but just you wait….


2014 Barb

b33As a quick addendum to today’s post, my regular readers know that I recently did a couple of posts on Gay Days, which just wrapped up last weekend. I got some colorful comments, including one from a reader named Joel who mentioned the t-shirt he wore to the Magic Kingdom. I invited him to send me a photo so I could post it. You can see it at the right. While I’m usually not offended by the shirts I see on Gay Days, I have to admit it’s an interesting twist on the usual sea of quips and double entendres. Thanks for sending it along, Joel!

Follow me on Twitter via @themeparkwriter and stay tuned for more tips, observations, comments, and rants from someone who lives close enough to Walt Disney World to hear the fireworks from her house every night. I literally write my blog  In the Shadow of the Mouse. Email comments and story ideas to

The ‘shocking’ reality of Gay Days: What really goes on at the Magic Kingdom

gayEvery year, I hear wild and crazy assumptions about what goes on at Gay Days. The Magic Kingdom supposedly turns into a hell hole of debauchery that’s something like Amsterdam and Las Vegas mating and producing an army of gay love children who go on a rampage of murdering nuns and slaughtering puppies and kittens. Think I’m exaggerating? Here are some quotes from an actual anti-Gay Days website:

“(Families) travel from across the country to Disney World, only to discover that the park has been taken over by red-shirted, orgiastic homosexuals. And imagine the horror of seeing the lovable and innocent characters, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, whom the children have been taught to accept and cherish, suddenly promoting the gay lifestyle to children.

Throughout the day within Disney’s Magic Kingdom, they can be seen fondling each other, groping each other, engaged in open-mouth kissing, group urination in public restrooms – and worse.”

What the heck is group urination? And what could be worse? Group pooping? But wait, there’s more…

During the recently concluded Gay Days, I not only saw men kissing men, but these shirtless homosexuals were twisting the nipples of each other and fondling the butts and groins of their lovers. All of this occurs out in the open, in public, every year, at Walt Disney World.”

All that is paranoid whacko enough, but here’s where it takes a turn straight into Crazy Town:

“You might cringe at the thought that kids as young as 4 or 5 will be at this meeting, but they surely will be. You can count on it. Their homosexual parents will take their little kids and parade them around as Gay and Lesbian Tykes. But how do these kids know they are homosexuals? Forget about the little ones. How does a 13 or 14-year-old know he or she is homosexual? There’s only one way to know for sure. And that means these parents are allowing them to engage in sex. Yet, more probable, it’s because these parents are making a determined effort to turn them into homosexuals, by taking such actions as: Carting them off to Gay and Lesbian Youth Meetings.

“Yes, these young kids are being TRAINED  into a gay or lesbian relationship. And what a great place to start? Disney World! Where fantasies come true! Take the little tykes into a seabed of 100,000 homosexuals, introduced them into the raucous sex that is all around them, show them other little children who are homosexual, and maybe they can force their homosexuality on their kids.”

It’s pretty obvious the website’s author is clueless about homosexuality. As a doctor of psychology and trained counselor, I’ve worked with many gay and lesbian clients. All knew they were gay by their teen years, and many knew they were different quite early on, even though they were too young to know exactly what that difference was.

As Gay Days winds down for 2014, I’d like to set the record straight (no pun intended). Will you really see prancing she-males shoving their tongues down their partners’ throats at every turn? I’ve attended the event for many years now, and I hate to tell all those expecting horror and mayhem that you’re going to be sorely disappointed. Here’s the reality

1) You’ll definitely see a lot of red shirts. The red shirts are tradition, so yes, you’ll see a sea of them. They’re not only worn by gay men and lesbians, but also their family members and others who support them. Personally, I either don a red shirt or my rainbow “Straight But Not Narrow” tee. You might see some shirts with humorous double entendre sayings that have a gay twist, but they’re not any more graphic than the general t-shirts with double meanings you see on any other day. I personally love scoping out the best shirts, as some are very creative.

2) You’ll see PDAs, but very minor ones. I’ve seen some pretty shocking PDAs among straight guests on nearly every visit to the Disney parks. For example, go during the cheerleading events and you’ll need a gallon of eye bleach and an hour-long hot shower just to feel clean again. Most of the gay and lesbian guests keep things keep things tasteful during the event. You might see hand holding, quick kisses, and the like, but it’s very rare to see anything too intense. I personally see it as a great opportunity to introduce kids to the world’s diversity. If you have a young child who asks, “Why is that man kissing another man?” or “Why is that lady kissing that other lady?” it’s easy enough to say, “You know how men and women love each other? Sometimes two men or two women love each other that way, too.” Great teachable moment.

3) You’ll see a few ostentatious guests. Yes, there are some ostentatious guests during Gay Days, but I never find it to be in an obnoxious way. You know how adults come in elaborate costumes for Star Wars Weekends or Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party? Picture that on a very tiny scale. My favorite was the two guys in rainbow Tinkerbell costumes, but alas, displays like that are few and far between.

4) The Country Bears Jamboree will actually have a line. The line will be made up mainly of large, hairy men. Visit my fellow HypeOrlando blogger, Adam Rhodes, if you need a hint on why that might happen.

Basically, you really won’t see all that much of a difference on Gay Days from any other day. Granted, wild activities do take place at private events during the week, but those require separate tickets and only attract the wilder element, much as parties at any typical conventions attract the party crowd. The average tourist is never going to see that because they’re not part of the private group activities.

Gay Days is ending for 2014, and somehow Orlando once again managed to escape a plague of locusts or a rain of toads, so I guess we’re still okay with God. Or wait…maybe I have it all wrong. My vehicle already got covered with love bug guts this year. I’ve always thought that, despite what Snopes says, they’re really the result of a genetic experiment gone awry. Maybe, just maybe, they’re actually a Biblical plague to punish us all via destroyed car paint for allowing this annual tourism boost in our town.

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