The bathrooms at New York’s legendary CBGB were, well, legendary for their disgustingness. The Met even included a recreation of it in an exhibit (PUNK: Chaos to Couture). Apparently they were far too tame in their homage (it was the Met for goodness sake), but for a bathroom to even make it to the Met says something about its importance in our cultural history. There was a particularly revolting metaphor offered that the floor of the CBGB bathroom was a petri dish that spawned the punk movement. Ponder that one for a moment…
My homage is far less spectacular, but on the other hand, nowhere near as disgusting either… and no ticket necessary.
So, let’s talk bathrooms…
Wally’s, 1001 Mills Avenue, Orlando
I went to the famous Wally’s last week-end. No idea why it is famous. Clearly I’m missing something. It was hot and crowded, the drinks were undrinkable (literally undrinkable – I left it), the music was ghastly, and the bathroom was nightmare inducing. Not dirty per se, but so kluged together that I had a near panic attack wondering if the door would stick or the ceiling would cave in. I would be trapped there forever. I guess in a bar that only has a four foot clearance between the walls and the barstools, a bathroom bigger than a largish shoebox is extraneous. Go to Wally’s to say you’ve been there, but hold your pee until you get somewhere nice, like a Circle K.
Green Parrot, 280 Florida 436, Casselberry
The Parrot, for those of you who live downtown or further south, is located in Casselberry, and consistently brings pretty great music to the fore. It’s a decent club. The drinks are good, the waitresses are pretty good, the bartenders are hard to attract. There are pool tables, cracked bar stools, and a comically scary looking dude at the door. It’s a dive. A larger than normal dive perhaps, but a dive. And there is an attendant in the bathroom. That’s right… a dive with a bathroom attendant. Guilting you into tossing a dollar into her basket… even if you have no need of Aqua Net or Listerine. Have your dollars ready if you’re drinking (we usually time it so we go there, drink, leave for another bar to pee and drink some more, and then return to… well, drink. If you time it correctly, you can get away with only spending a couple dollars to pee.
Post Time Lounge, 2500 S. US Highway 17-92, Longwood
Two stalls. Two. For a club that can easily hold hundreds of people… who are drinking. And that’s kind of the idea of a bar you see… get people to drink. As much as possible before they either pass out or begin to puke uncontrollably (because that get’s very messy). An unfortunate side effect of drinking is peeing. There’s no way around it, what goes in, must come out. Somehow. And that’s where the system breaks down at the Post Time. There is always a line of women in various levels of discomfort or sometimes downright pain. Usually compassion prevails and those who are in the most pain are moved to the front of the line. Annoying to say the least. Again, I time my visits here to coincide with nature’s call.
I can see this could be an ongoing series. It troubles me that I know so much about bar bathrooms that I feel I can write multiple articles about it, but not so much that I won’t do it.
Rock on, loves.