Bars, Bands and Bitchin'

A review site of Orlando bars, bands and mid-life in general.

I May Be a Lady, But I’m Not a Young Lady

I just had to have my car serviced at the dealership, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.  I’m not going to go into the details, because, frankly, they are boring.  And I won’t mention the name of the brand…  suffice it to say it rhymes with Schmexus.

What I do want to address is the practice that some people (men) have of addressing women of a certain age as “young lady.”  I’m a forty-five year old woman.  I have earned every single privilege that comes with that age, and I find it offensive in the extreme to have a service provider pander to me by calling me “young lady.”  It seems to be rampant in the auto industry particularly, but I’ve also experienced it in doctors’ offices, attorneys’ offices and the gym.


Stop it, just stop it.

I’m not young.  I will never again be young.  I don’t pretend to be young.  I don’t want to be young.  My greatest aspiration in this life is not to recapture my youth.  Really. I swear.   I would appreciate it if you would not involve me in your pandering to the collective delusion that what all women REALLY want to be is 22 years old.  We don’t.  No more than we all are desperately searching for a man to take care of us or think that photos of your man junk are somehow attractive or appreciated.  Promise.

You can call me by my first name.  You may call me “ma’am” or “Ms.”.  I’ll even give you a free pass to call me “Mrs.”, but, for the love of God, don’t address me to me as “young lady.”

I’m sure some people will think I’m overreacting, that there are other, far more important, things to make a stink about, but respect is respect.  I expect it.  I earned it.  I deserve it.  I demand it.


  1. Dang, tutz. Bitter much?

    If that is all it takes to get you all twisted up then you have it pretty good. It sounds like you there is nothing wrong with you that a good strong man couldn’t take care of.

    • I do have it pretty good, and I’ve worked damn hard so I can say that… and deserve a certain level of respect for achieving this level of “pretty good.” And thanks, but I already have a good strong man.

  2. Overreacting? Little bit. Must be nice to have so much time on one’s hands that you can get worked up about something so completely silly. “Young lady” fits though, honestly, it’s time to grow up.

    • I’m not growing up until I absolutely have to…

  3. Feminists love to point out the sexism from men, but has it ever occurred to you that maybe YOU’RE the sexist one?!

    “….What I want to address is the practice that some people (men) have of addressing woman of a certain age as ‘young lady.’ It seems to be rampant in the auto industry particularly, but I’ve also experienced it in doctors’ offices, attorneys’ offices and the gym. Stop it. Just stop it.” – Actually I’ve heard many Women, or do you prefer “WYMYN” , refer to mid-age females as “young lady.” I’m in my late 30s, I still get carded for drinks and am addressed as “Young Man” by some peers. I consider it a compliment – because I work out, eat right, and take care of myself in ways that I do look much younger. Not everyone has ulterior motives.

    But hey don’t worry. There will be less white knight chivalrous panderers in the future and more MGTOWs. Look up MGTOW if you don’t know what that means. Peace out.

    • It isn’t about them thinking I’m younger than they are – it is about pandering to what they think I want to hear. I get carded too — and I love it when it happens. All anyone is asking for is some respect… and calling me anything other than my name or a title isn’t respect.

  4. I feel your pain on this one because they do that to me also and I am 73 y/o, hmm actually closer to 74.. I also detest when the 20 somethings call me ‘hon,’ I am not anyone’s ‘hon’ especially not a cashier at Publix or Subways; can they not see I am starting to grey & old enough to be their grandmothers.. Hello get your eyes, manners & brains checked …

    • Thank you!!!

  5. I’m sure the emotional upset/hurt feelings you experience (when addressed as “young lady”) are intense & real.
    However, in my opinion (despite you being 45) your brain’s negative response/interpretation of the term seems quite unique to me. If the people (e.g sales reps) addressing you could read your mind (be made aware of your brain’s wiring) I’m sure the LAST THING they’d ever, ever, EVER do is use this term to address you! ! I’m not in sales, but I’m convinced that. .. duuuh. . . . the sale’s person highest priority is to never upset anyone, least of all a prospective buyer. So, recognizing that they are not INTENDING to upset you. .. . perhaps you can “un-upset” yourself, at least a bit.

    If the person addressing you is recognizably younger than you, and yet calls you “young. . . “, then I can see that upsetting ANYONE. If that was the case with you, then I side with you 100%, (that sales person was not too . . . . “swift” )

    The way I’ve peacefully experienced/accepted this in my life: as long as the person addressing you is older than you than you, then you indeed are, relative to them, a “Young” lady or man.
    For instance, I’m 58 and work with an 77+ year old, he always call me young man and I love it, (though I indeed know, I am no young person) .

    I remember once, at a previous job, we we all called in to a mandatory “sensitivity” class. One of the many no-nos taught was to never EVER EVER address an older co worker as “hey old Man” or “hey old lady, lady”. I rolled my eyes in bordom thinking. . . . ” what IDIOT would ever dare do that! ! ! “.

    I hang out with a group a close competitive road and mountain cyclist all in their mid 40s. I’m the one old man, pushing 60. I, on occasion, address them as “hey old man” (only to sarcastically point out they are indeed much younger than me). In response none have yet dared to call me “old man” even though I indeed am, esp relative to them.


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